Being alone
Sunday, October 26, 2008 at 09:54PM Less of a rant than a contemplation.
"First and last, man is alone.
He is born alone, and alone he dies
and alone he is while he lives, in his deepest self." -D.H. Lawerence
I'll go out alone. I'll go to sit down restaurants alone. I'll go to concerts alone. I'll go places alone.
I have found this is something that few other people seem to do or are able to do or are even willing to consider. When I'm out alone and I meet people and tell them that I am there alone, there is almost always a slight bit (or a lot) of pity in their reaction. My first instinct is a blush of anger that they should pity me at all (i hate being pitied, but that is another post), but then I have to remember why I'm angry at them in the first place. There is no reason to pity me and, in fact, I could (and maybe should) pity them. They appear to have no ability to just do things alone, and I think that is sad. To me, it's as though they can't give themselves permission to enjoy anything without other's consent. They have to check to make sure that what they want to do is the same as at least one or two other people they know before they can just go out and do it. And if no one else wants to (or approves of) doing it, they simply won't. I have a freedom they will never have. Every so often, I'll go out and meet someone and tell them I'm there alone, and they say to me, "Wow. I wish I could do that." I think that demonstrates the sad fear people have of being alone.
It's great to be with friends and around people who are like you and understand you, but it can also be great to be alone and with oneself. And as bad as being alone can sometimes be too, so can being surrounded by people. Or maybe that's just me.
I've always been a solitary person and it does anger me a lot when people look down on me for that or feel sorry for me for it. The worst thing about being solitary is the fact that most people don't understand it or even worse just plain dislike you for it.
Well, I tire of this. It's late and I'm hungry. Maybe I'll go to Steak and Shake...alone. :)
Reader Comments (1)