Fire in the Wind

Too much Daria.  Too much reminicing.  Too much regret.

I know it is suppose to be shameful to feel regret.  Especially now-a-days, no one is suppose to regret anything because it's bad for your self-esteem or some shit.  But --Damn it-- I have regrets, I've made mistakes, and I have faults.  Is it so bad for me to want to OWN these things because they are mine and they are part of what defines me.

Perhaps it's immature or self-indulgent, but I can be those things too, and I'm past trying to change myself; to "improve" myself.  Except (ha ha) in one way, to just accept myself and my faults (strengths too, I suppose) without guilt or apology.

One might argue that if I accept myself, I won't have regrets.  But I see it this way: I'd rather accept that I have regrets and be honest with myself.  Maybe some people can claim to have no regrets and be honest;  Everyone has different ways of dealing with past disappointments.  But I cannot.  I must acknowledge my regrets, learn from them, accept them and then move on.  Though possibly not in that order.

One last odd thought to myself about this subject is that I suspect most people (if they knew all my life's secrets and decisions and inactions) would not guess correctly what I do and don't regret in my life.  Here's a hint: I mostly regret the things I didn't do, not the things I have done.

Rae "the contemplative life" Surface